


formula dream

by gothetta7218



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 19:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothetta7218/pseuds/gothetta7218
Summary: this is my first story and summaries are not my best... Sebastian loves Kimi and struggles with head vs heart... kudos and comments welcome





	1. the start

I hated him. i hated everything about him. at least four days in 14 I spend my whole day telling myself this. trying to avoid the way his eyes light up when he sees a good result coming through on the monitors or the little smiles that slip through the facade when someone makes a joke about me following him like a child. 

we both know it's a lie. we both know we've barely spoken in the last few months. I've been avoiding him at every turn and he tried at first to see what was wrong and it killed me to see the worry and hurt in his beautiful grey eyes. the ice man they call him yet his eyes are the most expression filled eyes I've ever seen. 

it's the 5th race of this season and I'm ahead in the championship. kimi is following close behind in second. this is most successful start to a season Ferrari have had in a long while. I'm winning and he is in second except for the last race where he won and I had to watch his emotionless face receive the winners trophy and drown in the pride in his eyes. the same emotion that I'm sure sure was shining in mine. I felt so happy. so proud that he'd got the win he's deserved after the criticism of last season. 

then the night was spent crying in my hotel room wishing the feelings would go away and I wouldn't have to feel this heartbreak or the pain of pushing away the one person who had stood by me and understood me no matter what oh was trying do. but this weekend would be different I wouldn't let it get to me no more. I'm an adult and stronger than this. I wasn't a four time world champion by crying over problems. at least that's what I've told myself every weekend so far.


	2. confusion

I arrive at the track early Wednesday, ready for the track walk except I'm at least two hours early so I head to the pits to help load the last car parts off the lorries. it's surprisingly still and none of the usual hustle seems to be happening, the lorries are already gone so I guess they worked fast this morning. 

for ten minutes I look about trying to see if britta had arrived yet, no such luck. deciding I should just grab a bottle of water and go wait by the entrance for the other drivers to arrive. as I near the drivers rooms I here a voice talking quietly; too quiet for me to pick out the words. 

I press myself quietly against the door when I suddenly hear a voice I'll never not know; kimi. what is he doing here so early? he never even usually makes it here until the Thursday. i again can't make out what he is saying so I try to open the door quietly only to find it locked. I think that's very strange and it piques my curiosity. 

the only way I can find out what is going on, I realise is to just wait by the door until they exit and then corner either them to tell me. 5 minutes... 10 minutes... 15... 20... just over half an hour later the lock clicks and the door opens. I see man I barely recognise from the team leave and then a few seconds later my breathe does an involuntary hitch as I see kimi leave.

he sees me standing there and I'm nearly bowled down by the look in his face. hate. pure hate. I've never seen his face contorted in such a strong hateful way. it was there if only for a few seconds before the cover comes down and he looks like he is looking at nothing again.  nods his head so slightly. turns and leaves me standing there. not sure whether i want to cry or punch him.

thank fully I don't have to see him again today, I have to do a press conference with some usual questions that I can't focus on or answer. I have other things on my mind that are more pressing to me.

when the hell has finished I run back to my trailer and bolt the door shut. turn my phone off and crawl into bed. not caring that it is only 6 o'clock and I haven't eaten yet. 

I'm woken in the morning by Britta banging on the door informing me it's time to go for the first practice session. I sigh at the thought of having to deal with people. as I leave I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like shit.


	3. 3

finally I've made it to the car, only by walking with my eyes and ears closed but I think kimi said good morning to me. l can't pay attention though. I know the only way I'll make it through this weekend is to avoid him at all costs. 

by the end of second practice I think maurizio wants to murder me, I know that I have done almost nothing of any use to the team. kimi just won't leave my head. leaving my car I brace for a shit storm. 

I'm confused when i get out of the car and there's barely anyone left in the paddock and maurizio is nowhere to be seen. I ask my engineer what is happening and where every one is and the answer makes my heart drop.

kimi has crashed when he was leaving the pits just after you. the car is a right off, completely crushed by the barriers, we don't think it's anything serious but he's been taken to the local hospital in case.

by the time the sentence had finished I was already running out of the paddocknand into my car, I found the details for the closest hospital and floored it.

ten minutes later I found myself sat in my car trying to build up the courage to go inside. I pick up my phone and call maurizio to get a ward number.

when he answers I let out a sigh of relief that his voice doesn't sound tight. kimi must be okay, I ask him for confirmation and he says that kimi is fine and just has mild whiplash but will need to stay for a few hours and then just rest and will be fine for tomorrow. 

I decide against going inside. I know he's okay and that is all I need. there's no need to annoy him by showing my face for no reason. the gravity of that thought settling on me as I slowly drive back to my trailer.


	4. 4

I don't eat again that night, I don't sleep much either. torn between dreams of kimi being mangled in a crash and the disgust and hate on his face as I come clean about my feelings. 

as people start to fill the paddock around the   
me I can feel their looks of confusion as I'm not usually this early, and not usually his quiet. I ignore them all and just wear myself in the car ready for the final practice. 

an hour later and this practice is going just as spectacular as the other two. I need to get my head sorted soon or I'll be out in Q3. I can't let him affect my racing 

I share blankly ahead as they release me for my first run in Q3. u can already feel my concentration slip. one lap in I see kimi pass me and it jolts me out of my mood.

screw this, I put my foot down and throw the car to it's limits around the track. I see my name top the timing screens and feel the rush of adrenaline at winning again.

I finish the Q3 and Q2 at the top with kimi a close second, but we were far in front of the rest of the cars. I'm nearly bouncing in my seat that I'm so full of adrenaline and then anger and I realise he is keeping up.

I start the final Q in the same way and see that he is still just behind me, I feel the anger start to blur my vision and realise I'm going far to fast. 

Just as I pass the line I see my name go further in front of Kim's. a smug pride filling me and I suddenly feel my head hit the halo as I forgot that I was even racing. 

Maurizio really will kill me is all that is going through my head as I wait for the recovery tow. the session is red flagged with 5 minutes left which means I will start from first. hopefully that will ease his anger. 

i storm back into my trailer and luckily I was right and maurizio didn't into me too much but I feel pissed off that I allowed myself to lose concentration enough to crash. I know I need to eat before the race tomorrow so I order a sandwich, eat half, and pass out.

I can feel his breath on my cheek, smell him surrounding me. I'm lost on the feeling and not paying any attention at all to the data we're supposed to be looking at. I hear him whisper a question of concern in my ear and I shiver.

suddenly I snap out of my mind and run, run out of the room and our of the paddock. no destination. I just need to clear my head.


	5. 5

after ten minutes of hiding I realise I'm going to need to have one hell of a good excuse for running off like that, i settle with saying that my stomach had turned and I thought I was going to be sick. no one asked anymore but as I looked as kimi I could see he knew I was lying. my heart twinged at the hurt and mistrust in his eyes. 

the first 20 laps are pretty average but I notice kimi is getting closer to my car. just as I prepare for a defensive, I get called into the pits. one lap later he goes in. we over take each other at a few points and have left the rest of the pack far behind. it's just me and him existing at this point.

with 5 laps to go he is right behind me again and seems to slightly fall back. I think maybe it's his tyre wear but they are newer than mine. it occurs to me that he's doing it on purpose. he wants me to win. 

I cross the line slightly in front and still confused.

I wait in the cool down room when kimi comes in, I throw him his hat and towel and he nods his head in thanks, it almost feels normal, I almost smile.

stood on the podium I dont know what possesses me but I reach for his hand. just like last year. he doesn't pull back. doesn't flinch. just gently clasps my hand in his fingers and whispers a well done. 

I'm flying, that's the only way I can describe how I feel, the rest of the ceremony is a blur of vertigo.

as I take a slow walk back to my trailer, my head still is the clouds. I hear him call me, he invites me to his trailer for dinner, it's nothing new, its what we always uses to do when one of us won. 

all of the last few months of pain are forgotten and i agree to meet him in an hour. I go and have shower and get dressed. I don't want to smell of sweat around him.

as I make my way to his trailer I'm filled with so many emotions I feel faint, the idea of me and him being alone together in his trailer fills me with so much trepidation. what if I do or say the wrong thing. I know It wouldn't matter he never held anything against me but my mind flashes back to that hate filled look he gave me. 

well I can't turn back now I think as I find myself knocking on his door.


End file.
